I’m pretty sure that 99% of my day as a mother involves answering questions. There are the incessant, minor questions like “can I have a snack?” and “where are my shoes?” And then there are the scarier ones; “what happens when we die?” or, the worst, “where do babies come from?” Typically, I try to answer my kids’ questions promptly, honestly and tactfully, but there are some days that I just don’t want to answer any more questions.
Sometimes I don’t want to have to think of an answer. I’m tired. I don’t know why the thing we sit on is called a couch. I don’t know why Dora’s head is so big. I don’t know why you don’t like pickles, or where your favorite underwear are, or why Doritos are triangle shaped. I DON’T KNOW!!
What I also don’t know is why they don’t ever ask their dad anything. Am I the only one in my house who has all the answers to all the questions? Why do they walk past their dad who is sitting on the couch watching a ball game to traipse through the house to find me while I’m folding my 12th load of laundry to ask if I can help them find their favorite Beanie Boo. Seriously?!?! ASK YOUR DAD!!
Recently, after a particularly harrowing weekend of too many questions, too many activities, and too much on my plate, I decided that, for a whole, entire day, I didn’t want to have to answer any more questions. I also didn’t want to ignore my children. So I turned to one of the most trusted question answering devices of all time. No, I’m not talking about Siri. Siri may have some good answers, but she is TERRIBLE with directions. No, Siri, I don’t want to pull an illegal U-Turn right now, I’m pretty locked into the current direction I am driving. No, Siri, I don’t think I have arrived. This is the middle of a cornfield. No, not Siri.
I am talking about a Magic 8 Ball.
For an entire day, I answered all of my kids’ questions by shaking that magical ball.
“Mom? Can I have a waffle for breakfast?”
Me: “My sources say no.”
Me: “Outlook not so good.”
“Then what should I have?”
Me: “Signs point to yes.”
“I’m making a waffle.”
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