Life is busy. So we try to create shortcuts whenever we can. Take texting, for instance. One could type “Talk to you later”, or one could type “TTYL”, thereby saving at least 10 seconds. Ten seconds here, ten seconds there; it adds up.The problem is that it’s hard to keep all the letters straight. LOL. TIA. MYOB. BYOB. There are so many acronyms used today it’s mind boggling. Literally mind boggling. LMB. Oh wait, that’s like LMBO. That’s something right? What am I thinking of? ROFLMAO? For the record, I have never once rolled on a floor and laughed my ass off; and I have seen and heard some pretty funny stuff in my life. It should be RTTBBILSHIPAL which stands for “Running to the Bathroom Because I Laughed So Hard I Peed A Little.” Much more useful and accurately descriptive. Frankly, I’m a bit concerned about people who claim to roll around on the floor laughing so hard it impacts their gluteus. Sit up in chairs, people. Let’s be civilized about all this.
I work as a school psychologist in a public school and, let me tell you, the acronyms in education are just as out of control. OOC. We have IEPs, ADA, ADHD, GED, GPA, LRE, MDT, RTI, the list goes on and on and on. There are cheat sheets out there to help with all the acronyms. Acronym Cheat Sheets. ACS. In the time it takes to look up the ACS and find out what the initials mean, you could say Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder 28 times.
I understand that acronyms can be useful, especially when texting. Who wants to take time to type out “by the way” when you could just type “btw”? I get that. I also get that, like it or not, acronyms are here to stay.
So, in an effort to be helpful, I have come up with some useful acronyms for moms to use based on phrases we utter repeatedly. Or maybe only I have to say these things in my house? I hope I’m not the only one.
10. GOTT- “Get off the table!” This is said repeatedly to the damn cat, and also, more than I’d like to admit, to a child now and then.
9. PSPO- “Put some pants on!” Very important skill to be a productive member of a civilized society. Especially important if you’re on the table.
8. BISS- “Because I said so.” I feel so much more hip saying “BISS” than “because I said so”. The latter just makes me sound like my mother.
7. SFWYBBILMS- “Stop fighting with your brother before I lose my shit.” We don’t actually say “shit” in our house. Yet another reason for the use of acronyms!!!
6. BYT- “Brush your teeth”. I know you already did this morning. Yes, we brush at night too. Yes, every day. BISS
5. IDKAYD- “I don’t know, ask your dad.” This one is especially useful now that my 11yo son is getting the dreaded puberty lessons in health class. The kid has a lot of questions. A lot of questions that are painfully awkward for me to answer. IDKAYD comes in handy.
4. GYSO- “Get your shoes on”. This one is hardest for my kids to decode. They hear “continue sitting on the couch with the iPad totally ignoring everything I say”. The acronym for that particular sentiment is too long and would not be at all useful.
3. NYCHAS- “No you cannot have a snack”. Why? Because you just ate and I am not even done cleaning up the dinner dishes yet! No! BISS.
2. WTF- “Where’s the furniture?” What did you think I meant by WTF? My kids make forts with the furniture, or obstacle courses, wrestling rings, diving boards, etc., and nothing ever gets put back where it should be so I walk around asking “WTF??”
And last but not least
TFB- “Time for bed!” My favorite! Am I a terrible person if I shout this one and can’t keep the glee out of my voice? TFB EVERYONE!!!! TFB!!!!!
I’m fairly certain that these acronyms are going to catch on and become a part of every mom’s daily repertoire. BISS. YVW.