All Hail King

This is King.

We adopted him from the Humane Society a few months ago after our previous cat met an unfortunate demise.

We loved King right away because of his personality and his affectionate nature.

It’s ironic, then, that the playful  personality that led us to choose him over  dozens of other cats is now turning out to make him a huge pain in the ass.

Here are just a few of the ways he is slowly driving me insane:

Christmas decorating has been a nightmare with this one. We can’t put any of our favorite ornaments on the tree because he will take them down and break them. So all we have hanging on that sad evergreen is a bunch of foam ornaments the kids made. No tree skirt (he tried to drag it upstairs), no angel (he would make it his life’s goal to destroy her).

No stockings hung by the chimney with care. He tried to attack them and then almost pulled the heavy stocking holders down on his fool head.

No beautifully wrapped presents under the tree. They are now beautifully wrapped presents in boxes in the basement.

It wasn’t easy to get the beautifully wrapped either. Not with my overzealous “helper”.

Besides ruining Christmas, another of his favorite pastimes is digging in trash cans and hiding his newfound treasures.

The other night I found a used Q-tip under my pillow when I went to bed.

He is constantly on the counter, in the sink, in the toilet, on the table, etc. I mean constantly. I feel like anytime we are around he wants attention  and wants to be at eye level so he gets up where we can see him.

Seeing him on the counter makes my eye twitch and I turn into a crazy person with a spray bottle.  I don’t like being a twitchy, crazy person with a spray bottle.

He gets in the dryer every time I do laundry. This means that not only am I doing the annoying task of laundry, but I also have to try to remember to make sure the cat’s not in the dryer before I shut it and turn it on.

A few weeks ago he got in a tote as I was working on organizing things in the basement and my husband found him three hours later shut in a tote with five others stacked on top of it.

Trying to keep this cat alive and safe from himself is exhausting.


This morning as I was getting into the shower, the damn thing attacked me. He was trying to get my tampon string.

You guys! I can’t even. Try to get that image out of your head. Really. Please try.

Then he comes up to give us hugs and snuggles and all is forgiven. Despite his antics, we adore him.


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