I Think Bats Can See Better Than I Can

I have been cursed with really bad vision. I needed glasses in 5th grade and every year my vision just gets worse and worse.  Currently, my contact prescription is worse than regular contacts can cover, so I have custom made contacts for one eye, and the highest prescription possible for my other eye. Even with these crazy expensive vision correction devices, my vision is still only 20/30.  It is ridiculously annoying.

Know what else is annoying? The fact that I also have astigmatism so my contacts are shaped to fit my eye. In order to put them in the right way, there is a teeny little line that is supposed to be pointed to the bottom when I put the contacts in.  Okay, so wait.  I cannot see a rhino charging at me until it is 6 inches in front of my face, but I’m expected to see a 1/2 millimeter clear line on a 1/4 inch contact that is also CLEAR? Yeah, that’s not happening.

I just shove the stupid things in my eyes and hope the little lines will find their way south eventually.  It usually takes awhile and they feel strange until they get where they are supposed to be, so I usually spend my mornings repeatedly blinking and winking like a maniac. I’m pretty sure some poor men at the grocery store have been scared by the creepy yoga pants-clad woman furiously winking at them. It is equally awkward for me when they wink back.

I also squint a lot. Partly because my eyes are constantly dry, and partly because I can’t see. I am pretty sure that people see me coming and turn away from the crazed looking lady with the permanent scowl. I’m not mad! I’m just blind!

Why don’t I just wear glasses you ask? I have glasses, but they are so incredibly thick that the world looks like I’m looking through a fish bowl when I wear them. Everything is distorted and I stumble around like a drunk. Good times. Also, they are hideously ugly and every eye doctor I’ve seen says that if I want to be able to see, they are going to be hideously ugly.  I’m pretty vain, and I like to walk without falling down. Needless to say, I don’t wear my glasses. Only in the middle of the night. Or when I really am drunk.

I am not a candidate for LASIK, but I may be a candidate for ICL which is an implantable contact lens. I have a consultation scheduled soon. We will see what happens. See what I did there? We will see?  Wish me luck.

Thick-Glasses

 

 

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