A Typical Night in the C House

My husband is out with friends tonight so I have held down the fort with two sick kiddos and one crabby one. These are actual conversations that occurred throughout the evening:

Little Man: I’m hungry, can I have a snack?
Me {As I’m cleaning up the dinner dishes}: NO! We JUST ate dinner.
Little Man: But I’m HUUUUUUUUNNNGGGRYYYY!
Me: Well, then I guess you should have eaten more for dinner.  The kitchen is closed.
LM: Then why are you in it?
Me: I’m cleaning up dishes.  If you don’t get out of here in 3 seconds I’m going to make you do it.
LM: You just want me to starve!
****
Mr. Wizard: Mom! Look at this video on Instagram. It’s disgusting!
Me: Why would I want to see something that’s disgusting?
Mr. W: It’s called Dr. Pimple Popper.  There’s pus.
Me: Dude, that’s disgusting.  Do not show me that. Don’t you have homework to do?
****
Me: Little Man! Do NOT color on your penis!  Put your pants on!
****
Me: Sassafrass? Can you help me fold this laundry?
{Miraculously, she did, with no whining, arguing, eye-rolls, or sighs of disgust}
Sass: OMG, Mom! Why are your underwear so BIG?
****
Me: Mr. Wizard?!? Do you have any homework??
****
Sassafrass: Mom? Can I use this Kool-Aid to dye my hair blue?
****
Little Man: Mom! The cat is eating your contacts.
****
Me: TIME FOR BED!!!!!!!! Praise Jesus! It’s time for bed!
****
Mr. W: What? I can’t go to bed now. I have homework!
And, that’s how we roll in this house on a weeknight.  I still wonder at how I manage to get anything done.  And I’m still wondering why in the world Little Man was trying to color his boy parts blue.
I am going out with my friends on Friday night and I hope I can keep the skip out of my step on my way out and the glee out of my voice as I wish my husband luck.
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