Little Man is four years old, almost five, and he is most certainly growing up way too fast. He desperately wants to be “big” and do what his brother and sister do, and gets upset when he can’t. He also gets embarrassed when his brother or sister laugh at him, or he perceives they are laughing at him. This is unfortunate, because the dude’s funny. Even when he’s not trying to be.
Here are a few gems that he has shared with us the past few days:
He was digging through his Halloween candy and was getting upset because he couldn’t find his “kitty cat” and he knew he had a “kitty cat” in his bag. I asked why he had a toy in his Halloween candy bag and he looked at me like I had utterly lost my damn mind. “Kitty cats are NOT toys” he said as if he were talking to a two year old. He kept digging and eventually came out triumphantly with a candy bar. A Kit Kat.
We were looking at photos of kids’ Halloween costumes and he saw one that he got excited about. “That’s from Spongebob Squirrel Pants!”
Me: “Yep! Wait…..what? Spongebob….?”
Him: “Squirrel Pants.”
Me: “Squirrel Pants?”
Him: “Yeah, apparently he has a squirrel in his pants or sumfing.”
After lunch today he told me he was blind.
“You can’t see?”
Again with the “ohmigod you are an idiot” stare.
“I can see, but I am blind. On my head.”
“Honey, I don’t….. OH!….. you are blond!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
The kid has an amazing memory for song lyrics. It really is quite impressive. If any of us need help remembering lyrics, he is the first one we’ll ask. He also loves to sing all the songs in his little head all the live long day. Recently he’s been into T-Swift and was singing “Wildest Dreams”. If you have been quarantined under a rock in a third world country with no electricity or access to the outside world you may not be familiar with this song. There is a line that goes “He’s so tall and handsome as hell, he’s so bad but he does it so well.”
‘Hell’ is a bad word in our house unless it’s used as its actual meaning, so when Little Man, in his little sweet voice sang the word ‘hell’, we quickly gave him a replacement word: heck. I know, it doesn’t rhyme. It’ll be okay.
Tonight, we were laying in his bed at bedtime and he was singing and he came to that verse. He knew he shouldn’t say “hell”. He knew there was a different word that still wasn’t a totally nice word, but that was more acceptable to say. I could see the wheels turning in his cute little blind head.
He came up with this lovely sentiment:
“He’s so tall, and handsome as crap.”
Handsome as crap.
I know he doesn’t like to be laughed at, but I couldn’t keep it together any more. I laughed so hard I started choking. That was funny as crap! We don’t even use that word in our house, so I don’t know where he got that from. He, of course, got upset that I was laughing at him. I apologized and said I was laughing with him. He said he wasn’t laughing. Then he told me to “just leave me be. I don’t even want to snuggle with someone who laughs at me all the time.”
Geez, the kid’s funny and dramatic. Fine by me if he doesn’t want me in his room, gives me more time to raid his Halloween candy for Kitty Kats.