How can you NOT be on Facebook?

This weekend I inadvertently got involved with some Facebook drama.  If “inadvertently” means I stuck my big fat nose into some vaguebook nonsense I should definitely have let go, but didn’t, then, yeah, that’s exactly what happened.  And then I was upset and venting to my husband about the whole thing.  His response?  “Reason #7590 why I’m not on Facebook”.  Actually, I think his real response was a grunt of some sort before he turned his attention back to the tax return he was doing, but I knew what he was thinking.

He is not, nor has he ever been, involved with any sort of social media beyond fantasy football leagues, and he doesn’t know what he is missing.  Tonight I made it my life’s work to show him.  I sat next to him on the couch and pulled up Facebook on my phone.

“Now look, if you were on Facebook, you could see a picture of Carrie Underwood’s new baby, Isaiah.  Someone is selling eight pairs of boys size medium gym shorts, Dominique is hanging out with her friend, there’s a picture of Jenny.”

“Who’s Jenny?”

“Someone I work with.”

“Why would I want to see a picture of someone you work with?”

“Well you wouldn’t, you would see people you work with.”

“I can see them every day at work.  Why do I need to see their pictures?”


“Here’s an updated forecast.  Ooh, it’s going to be warm and stormy on Wednesday! UNO Hockey made it to the Final Four!”

“I know, it was on ESPN.”

“Here’s a recipe for some smashed potatoes, a picture of Theresa’s dog, Shiloh’s done with spring break, a picture of a ‘peep show’, ohmigod, that’s funny!”

“Yeah, that is actually pretty funny.”


“Five days of super healthy lunch ideas, a shelf for sale, somebody posting about their crabby kids, Olivia is selling Tupperware for a friend, a recipe for creamy cheddar pasta salad…. mmmm… that looks good, a recipe for strawberry banana cheesecake salad, Julia is going to Madison’s graduation party, someone is selling a patio set.  I like that patio set.  What do you thi…”


“A picture of a smash cake session.  That’s a cute cake!  Someone is selling a couch recliner, Lisa ran 5.15 miles today, someone is selling a Himalayan purifying salt lamp.  Hmmm.  That’s not something you see every day.  It looks like a potato.  What IS that?”



Needless to say, I did not convince my husband to join Facebook.  In fact, I think I gave him about 593 more reasons why he should not join.  If I were also a sane and reasonable person, I’d probably have just given my self 593 reasons why I should quit Facebook.  But then I would miss out on “Peep Show” memes, and seeing pictures of your cute kids and dogs.  There is no way I could miss out on all of that.  I’m just going to do my best to stay away from the drama.




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