I don’t do yoga

I go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday mornings when Little Man is at  preschool. I like to take classes at the gym because I exercise better when someone is telling me what to do. When left to my own devices, I lose interest quickly and don’t push myself to get a good workout. 

Unfortunately, they switched my Thursday morning kickboxing class to a yoga class and I detest yoga. I know, I know all you yoga fans, yoga is amazing blah blah blah, I just don’t like it. You have as much chance of changing my mind about why I should like yoga as I do getting my kids to keep their rooms clean, so save your breath.

This morning I decided to do the elliptical machine and watch Breaking Bad on my phone, but my earbuds broke. So now I’m doing the elliptical and typing this post, which I am certain is negatively impacting my workout, but I’ve got to pass the time somehow. 

These are the thoughts running through my head:

  • God this is boring! I have to be about done? Holy shit it’s only been three minutes?!?!
  • Why are those two guys looking at me? 15 years ago I would’ve thought they were checking me out, now I’m pretty sure I have something gross hanging out of my nose. 
  • Is that man asleep? I hope he’s not dead. Oh no, he’s moving. Good. 
  • Am I done yet? I’ve only gone ten minutes?!? Ugh. 
  • What should I make for dinner? Husband’s going to be gone. Maybe I should let the kids play “Iron Chef” and make me dinner for once. But then I’d have to clean up the mess. Not worth it. Cereal it is. 
  • I have to go to the bathroom. Should I take my stuff with me? Nah, if someone wants to steal a sweaty towel and a water bottle they have bigger issues than me. 
  • What?!? My machine started over?? I was only gone 10 seconds! How long have I gone on this? I’m pretty sure it was close to 45 minutes. Okay, fine….25.  20 more to go. 
  • I’m bored. 
  • I hate sweating. 
  • I hate whining. 
  • I don’t know how people work out in long pants and longsleeves. I’m pretty sure I would die. 
  • 15 more minutes!
  • I can do it!
  • I don’t think I can do it. Sooooooo boring. 
  • I really need new headphones. 
  • Maybe I should have done yoga. I think there’s only two people in there. Everyone else must hate yoga too.  
  • I have to be almost done. 14 1/2 more minutes. 
  • I wonder how mom and dad are doing in Florida today? Lord I wish I was in Florida right now. 
  • 11 more minutes. Maybe I could stop right now and do push-ups. Yeah that’s a good idea! Oh, but wait. I hate push ups more than I hate this stupid thing. 
  • 5 minutes!
  • I have sweat in my eye. 
  • Done. 
  • Thank God. 

And that, my friends, is why I need someone else to listen to when I exercise. The voice in my head is a whiner. 

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