How can you NOT be on Facebook?

This weekend I inadvertently got involved with some Facebook drama.  If “inadvertently” means I stuck my big fat nose into some vaguebook nonsense I should definitely have let go, but didn’t, then, yeah, that’s exactly what happened.  And then I was upset and venting to my husband about the whole thing.  His response?  “Reason #7590 why I’m not on Facebook”.  Actually, I think his real response was a grunt of some sort before he turned his attention back to the tax return he was doing, but I knew what he was thinking.

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I don’t do yoga

I go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday mornings when Little Man is at  preschool. I like to take classes at the gym because I exercise better when someone is telling me what to do. When left to my own devices, I lose interest quickly and don’t push myself to get a good workout. 

Unfortunately, they switched my Thursday morning kickboxing class to a yoga class and I detest yoga. I know, I know all you yoga fans, yoga is amazing blah blah blah, I just don’t like it. You have as much chance of changing my mind about why I should like yoga as I do getting my kids to keep their rooms clean, so save your breath.

This morning I decided to do the elliptical machine and watch Breaking Bad on my phone, but my earbuds broke. So now I’m doing the elliptical and typing this post, which I am certain is negatively impacting my workout, but I’ve got to pass the time somehow. 

These are the thoughts running through my head:

  • God this is boring! I have to be about done? Holy shit it’s only been three minutes?!?!
  • Why are those two guys looking at me? 15 years ago I would’ve thought they were checking me out, now I’m pretty sure I have something gross hanging out of my nose. 
  • Is that man asleep? I hope he’s not dead. Oh no, he’s moving. Good. 
  • Am I done yet? I’ve only gone ten minutes?!? Ugh. 
  • What should I make for dinner? Husband’s going to be gone. Maybe I should let the kids play “Iron Chef” and make me dinner for once. But then I’d have to clean up the mess. Not worth it. Cereal it is. 
  • I have to go to the bathroom. Should I take my stuff with me? Nah, if someone wants to steal a sweaty towel and a water bottle they have bigger issues than me. 
  • What?!? My machine started over?? I was only gone 10 seconds! How long have I gone on this? I’m pretty sure it was close to 45 minutes. Okay, fine….25.  20 more to go. 
  • I’m bored. 
  • I hate sweating. 
  • I hate whining. 
  • I don’t know how people work out in long pants and longsleeves. I’m pretty sure I would die. 
  • 15 more minutes!
  • I can do it!
  • I don’t think I can do it. Sooooooo boring. 
  • I really need new headphones. 
  • Maybe I should have done yoga. I think there’s only two people in there. Everyone else must hate yoga too.  
  • I have to be almost done. 14 1/2 more minutes. 
  • I wonder how mom and dad are doing in Florida today? Lord I wish I was in Florida right now. 
  • 11 more minutes. Maybe I could stop right now and do push-ups. Yeah that’s a good idea! Oh, but wait. I hate push ups more than I hate this stupid thing. 
  • 5 minutes!
  • I have sweat in my eye. 
  • Done. 
  • Thank God. 

And that, my friends, is why I need someone else to listen to when I exercise. The voice in my head is a whiner. 

Short workout

This morning I put on a skirt to wear to work. I also put on these thigh sucker-inner short things because a) I can’t stand feeling my thighs rub together when I walk, and b) as a School Psychologist, there is a good chance that I will be down on the floor at some time today and nobody wants to see anymore of me than they need to. I’m supposed to help with trauma, not cause it. 

I got out of the shower and started to get dressed. Some day I will learn to dry myself off completely before trying to stuff my legs into these shorts like two sausages, a task that is difficult enough, but almost impossible when wet. 

This morning the task was proving more difficult than usual. I pulled one leg into the shorts but they got stuck right above my knee. I kept tugging and pulling but there was no budging them. What the?? I know we had those Girl Scout cookies and I ate two of them (boxes, not cookies) but this was ridiculous!

I kept yanking and pulling. Sweat was starting to form on my forehead. My triceps were starting to get a little sore.  Try as I might, those suckers were not getting on my legs. There was not enough Lycra in the world. I decided that it might help to lay on the bed and try to pull them on, maybe let gravity help a little. 

I was rolling around, pulling as hard as I could, trying not to wake up my husband who was still sleeping In the bed I was getting my cardio workout on when my 7 year old walked in the room. 

She watched me for awhile and then asked “Mom? Why are you putting on my shorts?”

Apparently, I had accidentally put her shorts in my drawer and was attempting to put them on.

Inspirational

I am nothing if not inspirational.  I decided to start making some inspirational photos to share.  You’re welcome.  you can print these off and stick them on your fridge, stick them on your wall, I don’t care where you stick them, but I hope you enjoy!

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