Yo Momma is TIRED……so GO TO SLEEP!!


Last night we celebrated Mr. Wizard’s 9th birthday with his first ever sleep over.  He informed me that the term “‘slumber party’ is way too girly, and ‘sleep over’ isn’t much better”.  I tried to come up with an acceptable alternative.  Pajama party?  No.  Pillow party?  No.  I came up with nothing, so “sleep over” it was.

He had invited four boys, but only three could come and the plan was to have pizza for dinner, play a little on the Wii, watch a movie, sleep and then send them on their merry ways at promptly 9:00 am the next day. 

Mr. Wizard was super excited about this party, I was dreading it with every ounce of my being.  I have no clue what it is about 3rd grade boys that possesses them to tackle each other and wrestle at every possible moment. I knew that it was going to be a night full of chaos (even more so than is normal in this house) and I was mentally preparing myself for it all week. 

I had arranged for Sassafrass to spend the night at my parents’ house in an attempt to avoid the unavoidable younger sibling drama that happens when the older sibling has friends over and I was grateful that my husband was going to be home to help out.

Last year for Mr. Wizard’s birthday I had planned to take 6 boys to a movie.  At the last minute my dear husband informed me that he had a coaches’ meeting for Mr. Wizard’s baseball team that same day and time.  Ironic that in deciding to coach the baseball team so he could spend some quality father/ son time with the kid he ends up missing his 8th birthday party.  So I was very glad that there were no conflicts this year and he would be home to help out.

After a typical Saturday of running all over town for various kid activities, errands, etc., I was waiting for my husband to get home from this year’s coaches’ meeting so I could take Sassafrass to her grandparents and get home before the kids started to arrive.  He walked in the door, walked straight past me, said “I’m sick, I’m going to bed”, and went upstairs. 

I won’t say that DH never complains when he is sick, because he does, but he NEVER goes to lay in bed.  Lay on the couch and watch basketball/ football/ baseball/ golf?  Of course.  But never in the bed where there is no t.v.  So I knew he was really sick.  And though my first thought should have been “oh my poor husband!  I wonder what I can do to help him?” it was instead “WHAT THE F— ?!?!?!  How can he do this to me?!?!”  Rational thought flies out the window when the arrival of a houseful of rowdy boys is imminent.

I quickly rounded up all of my kids, drove across town to drop off Sassafrass…. I barely slowed down the vehicle as I pushed her out the door yelling “Be Good!  Don’t drink too much before bed! Brush your teeth!”  and then had to stop and get the pizzas that I had been counting on DH to pick up.

We rolled back into the garage at 5:57, went inside, had barely taken off our coats, and the doorbell rang.  The party had begun.  In 3.4 seconds our house went from relative calm to a freaking WWF stadium.  I heard my husband coming down the stairs and was relieved that he was coming to help me.  Nope… he was informing me that he thought he had strep throat and was going to Urgent Care.  Again… NOT something he normally does, so another clue that he was really sick.  Instead of sympathy, however, I shot daggers at him and went to tell the boys to stop wrestling and stop saying the word “groin”.

They quieted down for a bit while they ate their pizza until they started up with the “Yo Momma” jokes:

Yo momma is so dumb she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Yo momma is so fat when she sits in a movie theater she sits by everyone.

Yo momma is so fat the that signs on bridges say “Weight Limit: Yo Momma”

And on and on and on. 

Shortly after, my husband came home and informed me that he did, in fact, have strep throat and we agreed that he should stay as far away as possible from the kids so he took the laptop up to bed and stayed in there all night watching NCAA Tournament games.  I was insanely jealous.

After pizza there was more wrestling, then a rousing round of “torment the poor cat”, then a Beyblade tournament, more cat tormenting, more wrestling, more Yo Momma jokes, and yet more wrestling.  After I got Little Man in bed,  I joined them for a cut-throat game of UNO Attack, then turned on a movie.  After brownie sundaes and playing Mario Kart on the Wii I informed them that it was time to get ready for bed.

“What??  It’s only 10:30?!?” 

“You don’t have to go to sleep, just get ready for bed.”

They did, and I got them settled in the family room and then headed upstairs to go to sleep myself.  Sleep was hard to come by, however, with all the wrestling, running around, and the fact that one of the boys kept screaming like a little girl.  

Finally at about 11:30 it was fairly quiet downstairs, but then sickie in the bed next to me kept moaning and groaning in his sleep, snorting, chewing, pretty much any annoying sound he could have made was made.  Loudly.  I dozed off for a minute until I heard one of the boys come into our room.  I knew it wasn’t Mr. Wizard because Mr. Wizard is a bull in a china shop and does not do anything quietly.  This kid was very sneaky and stealthily snuck around to the opposite side of the bed.

“Mr. Christensen?  I am very tired and would like to go to sleep and the other boys will not settle down and stop talking”.  DH got up and went downstairs to tell the boys to shut the hell up.  Although I think he said it a littler nicer than that. 

After a fitful night’s rest full of dreams of fat mommas, I awoke to the sound of a little girl’s scream and more wrestling.  I finally managed to crack open my eyes to look at the clock on my dresser and saw that it was the crack of 5:55.  Knowing that going back to sleep would be nearly impossible I left the snoring sickie in bed and got up and dressed.  When I went downstairs I saw that it had snowed during the night so I had to go out and shovel before the parents came to pick up their kids.

I made some pancakes and sausage for the boys, helped them pack up their suitcases and clothes and counted down the seconds until the wrestling tournament would be over.  By 9:00 they had all been picked up and the house was quiet again.

Mr. Wizard asked if I wanted to play a game that he had gotten as a birthday gift with him. 

I replied “not right now, Buddy.  Yo Momma is going to take a nap!”


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